Captain, thank you for your thoughtful reply. I will address each point of your response individually.
Mark, as I can see, I am your first celebrity endorsement. But I am going to do a lot more than that.
Celebrity endorsements are gold. Standard practice in politics. Everyone knows celebrities are smarter than average citizens. Thank you.
First, call your party Repmocratas, so you’ll get the votes of confused voters from both existing parties.
Interesting idea. There are obviously a lot of confused voters in both parties. But I will follow George Washington’s example and remain unaffiliated. So I can be President of every American, not just one party.
If you need it, I have a huge bottle of coins, almost full now. It was going to be my estate for my children, to go along with my collection of book of matches, but they will understand.
Your generosity is overwhelming. I cannot accept the matches, however, as they have too much sentimental value. They must go to your children.
You’ll benefit if you name me president of the month, at least, because my list of extraordinary things I can do, is really long.
I’ll bump you to the top of the list.
If you stop at my house during your campaign, forget the hot dogs and the other things whose name start with h. (I can remember the spelling) At my home, you’ll get areal Argentinian asado, which is the best barbecue you ever tasted.
Worth a detour to the alligator state. Start cooking.
And I only expect from you, to reconsider two things: Taco Tuesday(blaaahhh) and please, relocate The USA. The reason, I have already annoyed all my neighbors, the whole Florida State and all the states around us. That’ll give me a new fresh start ( annoying)
Americans love tacos. They make them feel adventurous. “Look at me, I’m eating foreign food!” It is too much paperwork to move a continent. I suggest you go on your own campaign. Annoying people in all 50 states! It is one of my personal goals. We can make it a competition. Loser buys lunch.
And last, but not least, for your inauguration, I’ll lend you my record player with my record collection, with the best music of the last sixty years. Mention this in your campaign to get the vote of the old folks. You see, they still go to the Rolling Stones concerts.
Better yet, I’ll hire you as my DJ. Get some cool-looking sunglasses.
Any thing else, just let me know.
Thank you, kind sir. If you were native-born, I would consider you for Vice President.