I Hopped Away From A Book Deal

Photo by Daniel Watson

My name is Fluffy. Yesterday I hopped away from a children’s book deal. I had to do it in order to protect my artistic integrity. Here’s the sad tale.

Lettuce & Carrot Books had seen my viral Bunny Blogs and contracted me to write my story. They said they wanted me to tell my story as a pet store survivor who escaped to a better life in the suburbs. But what they really wanted was Peter Rabbit Goes To The Suburbs.

Draft after draft, they kept saying, “This is too gritty for children. Can you lighten it up? Make it more fun?”

I said, “Living in a cage is not fun or light. Billy ignores me most of the time. He only gets me out when he has friends over who ask about me. His Mom feeds me now. She is nice enough, but she baby-talks to me. It’s embarrassing. All I do most days is sit in this cage and plan my escape. And not getting any exercise, I have put on almost a pound!”

Still, they wanted fluff, not the truth. The truth is, being a caged bunny is BORING! At least at the pet store I could talk to George the guinea pig or Sam the gerbil. Or watch the fish — they are mesmerizing. And then there were the dogs who came in to get groomed. The results were hysterical sometimes. And of course, it was a prime people-watching spot. Now I just watch Billy play video games or do his homework. Not exactly “must watch” entertainment. Otherwise he is off playing with the neighbor kids.

Lettuce & Carrot didn’t want reality, they wanted a fairytale. I told them I don’t write fiction, returned my carrot advance, and I hopped.

Old bones. Young heart. Focusing on a wide variety of creativity. @markstarlin

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