Poetry & Humor

Pedro The Shredder

A poem from my cat to my wife

Sandie Clarke

My wife recently received a poem. It wasn’t from me, but I wasn’t jealous. I was more surprised. I had no idea our cat could write poetry. I thought he only wrote fiction.

When I told him I was planning on sharing his poem on Medium, he said he wanted half of the Partner Program proceeds. I said, “What would you do with seven cents?” He sniffed and walked away.

I have changed his name to protect the not-very-innocent.

I will not use a scratching post
Nor a box filled with rough cardboard
Do I look like a common house cat?
Of course not

I am Pedro The Shredder
My claws deserve the finest fabric
Would you eat store-brand macaroni and cheese, or cereal?
No, you would not
Nor will I dull my claws on lesser quality surfaces

I am a cat of exacting standards
Standards only your couch and chair provide
It is not like you sit on the bottom of your couch
Or the sides
I am simply putting the unused portions of your furniture to good use