Roy, since you are being cagey about the winner, I am just going to (modestly) assume that I won the coveted Taco Bell Crunch Wrap Literary Award For Writing Published On Medium By It’s Own Author. Here is my acceptance speech:

When I was baby, I couldn’t write at all. But I struggled on against the odds until I could attend Elementary school, where I learned the craft of writing. My first great literary effort: Run Spot, Run! There Is A Dog Catcher Coming! was widely beloved by two members of my third grade class.

It set me on the road to writing, which culminated in this prestigeous award. I want to thank all the Bell employees who voted for me. And especially Smitty, for putting extra taco sauce in my drive-thru order every time. You’re the man!

Hey! Who took my Nachos Bell Grande?