On the planet Quip, war is different than on Earth. Killing is considered a bad thing, and no one likes to die. So Quiplings developed Joke Warfare.
Quip Dads everywhere volunteer to serve their countries by fighting in comedic battles.
The weapons have evolved over the years.
Slapstick was an early form of ammunition. But soldiers were wearing themselves out with all the pratfalls.
Dad Jokes were considered the most potent weapons in their arsenal for a time. But it was hard to tell who was winning with all the loud groaning going on.
Then they discovered that Middle School boys have an instinctive knack for insult jokes. They were recruited as joke writers. When they reach the rank of Dad, they move on to active combat.
Both sides spent decades preparing for battle. Then it happened. Something bad. And both sides declared war.
Armies of Dads headed to battle. They lined up across from each other in a sizable field. There was an eerie silence for close to thirty seconds. Then one general shouted out the familiar battle cry:
One after another, they started telling jokes at each other.
“Walmart called. They want their uniforms back.”
“I used to wear a uniform like yours. Then my Dad got a job.”
“Why did your whole country cross the road? To escape the smell.”
“Your Army is so boring I thought I was reading a book you wrote.”
“I smell defeat. No, wait. That’s your feet.”
The jokes continued to fly for close to two hours. Until each side was so tired from laughing that they forgot what they were mad about in the first place.
So both armies went together to get hot dogs, and milkshakes.
And the war ended.
War is a joke on the planet Quip.