Humans say pets are good for you. They claim they are calming and provide companionship. Being a lonely, nervous bunny, I thought a pet would be just the ticket.
I disguised myself as a human—I have no desire to go back into a cage—and downloaded a bunch of pre-recorded human answers on my phone. Then I visited a pet store. I asked the pet store owner for some advice.
He said, “How about a fish?”
I don’t get it. All fish do is swim and float around in the water. I’d rather watch squirrels.
“No thank you. I want something more exciting,” I played back on my phone.
“What about a snake?”
Seriously, Dude? Have you ever seen Mutual Of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom? I want to get a pet, not become dinner.
“No thank you. Snakes creep me out.”
“Well, how about a Guinea Pig?”
Do I really want a Mini-Me?
“No. I don’t want a cage or aquarium pet. I want a free-roaming pet.”
“A dog then?”
“That sounds good.”
I tried a dog. He was too big for my bunny house. And I couldn’t open the door to the human house to let him out. I hopped and hopped, but it was no use. It was painful for both of us. And walking him was a disaster. I was holding his leash and hopping, and he took off pulling me through the air like a kite. I took him back.
“It looks like a cat then.” The pet store owner said.
“Let’s do this,” my phone replied.
He showed me an older cat and said, “Older cats make better pets. They are calmer and don’t scratch up everything like a kitten.”
I took the cat home. Fortunately, I speak fluent cat.
“Just throw some food and water in a couple of dishes and scoop out the cat litter regularly and I’m good to go,” the cat said.
It is working out great. Most days we hang out on the couch and watch Game Of Thrones on TV.
“Humans are weird,” the cat said.
“True. But dragons are cool,” I replied.
“Don’t get any ideas.”
“Ha, ha. We’re good.”
Humans were right. Pets are good things.