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Humans say pets are good for you. They claim they are calming and provide companionship. Being a lonely, nervous bunny, I thought a pet would be just the ticket.
I disguised myself as a human—I have no desire to go back into a cage—and downloaded a bunch of pre-recorded human answers on my phone. Then I visited a pet store. I asked the pet store owner for some advice.
He said, “How about a fish?”
I don’t get it. All fish do is swim and float around in the water. I’d rather watch squirrels.
“No thank you. I want something more exciting,” I played back on my phone.
“What about a snake?”
Seriously, Dude? Have you ever seen Mutual Of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom? I want to get a pet, not become dinner.
“No thank you. Snakes creep me out.”
“Well, how about a Guinea Pig?”
Do I really want a Mini-Me?
“No. I don’t want a cage or aquarium pet. I want a free-roaming pet.”
“A dog then?”
“That sounds good.”
I tried a dog. He was too big for my bunny house. And I couldn’t open the door to the human house to let him out. I hopped and hopped, but it…
