Member-only story
Humor & Writing
Writing Three Line Conversations
A tutorial no one asked for
Welcome class.
I realize none of you signed up for this class. And you probably thought it was about making money on Medium. Wrong! I am relatively clueless about that. Besides, I think that ship sailed back in 2019.
Anyway, despite your possible confusion about why you are reading this, I will continue.
But first. You in the sweat pants and shirt with your hair in one of those messy buns that you think are trendy but will make you shudder when you see photos of yourself in ten years. I’m sorry, but there is no gum-chewing in my class.
I have misophonia. Which is a strong dislike or hatred of specific sounds. And gum-chewing is one of my trigger sounds (think fingernails scraping a chalkboard, which, oddly, doesn’t bother me.)
Actually, any loud chewing noise bothers me. So does lip-smacking. But I doubt you care. You just want to learn how to rake in the big bucks on Medium, don’t you? Why should you care if your obscene chomping noises make me want to flee the room or knock you down, put on surgical gloves, pry open your mouth, and pull that stale, flavorless gum out.
[Taking a deep breath…]
